suspnd:

suspnd:

suspnd:

my best friend just realized 30 minutes before her curfew that she’s an hour away from home in the most dangerous part of the city alone with the buses no longer running so she calls the police to take her home i cant stop laughing

update the cop that came to pick her up is a hot 20 year old guy thats flirting with her and now im not laughing anymore

SHE FUCKING HOOKED UP WITH THE COP

marinashutup:

my brother blocked me on twitter and i’m really upset because his tweets are pure gold

marinashutup:

my brother blocked me on twitter and i’m really upset because his tweets are pure gold

okay-ibelieveyou:

When people ask me to lead them in prayer

ostracizedpoodle:

paradisaic:

ostracizedpoodle:

basketballs smell gross 

go to hell??

why are you defending the smell of a ball 

seriousjones:

cool tricks to share with your kids

girlinabearsuit:

sonnetstockmar:

sextingbarack:

I don’t care what anyone says, this was the best moment on TV ever.

OH MY GOD

This is my favorite thing I’ve ever see .

virginmarx:

zebablah:

television history

i’ve been trying to explain this sketch to people for years

A message from Anonymous
how to get a date
A reply from plus1str

When someone asks you for directions, give them directions to your house and have a candle lit dinner waiting for them accompanied by calming music.

jetblueivy:

drive thru employeesimage definitely image do notimage get paidimage enoughimage forimage this image shitimage they are sick of your nonsenseimage

guy:

guy:

don’t u hate it when u put ur fingers in the hole and the hole stretches or rips and everything just comes out

image

I PUT THAT IN THE TAGS STOP MESSAGING ME